


The Need to Lie

by fanatic564



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dysphoria, Happy Ending, I think so anyway, Misgendering, OOC Deceit, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Trans Deceit, spoilers for Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 21:36:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17108546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanatic564/pseuds/fanatic564
Summary: Deceit is the embodiment of lies: any lie Thomas has ever told, or ever will tell, is placed onto Deceit. But this. This is a lie Deceit wishes didn’t have to be told, a secret that didn’t have to be hidden. Deceit wishes that this truth could be screamed across rooftops. But instead, it is kept hidden from everyone: from the other sides and even Thomas. And it breaks her heart.





	The Need to Lie

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Look at all of these fics I can work on right now  
> My Brain: Trans Deceit  
> Me: Whaa?  
> My Brain: Trans. Deceit.  
> So yeah. Here it is. Just a warning: I know nothing about women’s clothing, so if the outfit doesn’t make sense, don’t yell at me.  
> This is also posted on my sideblog on tumblr @sideoffiction  
> Tell me if there are any mistakes

Deceit is the embodiment of lies: any lie Thomas has ever told, or ever will tell, is placed onto Deceit. But this. This is a lie Deceit wishes didn’t have to be told, a secret that didn’t have to be hidden. Deceit wishes that this truth could be screamed across rooftops. But instead, it is kept hidden from everyone: from the other sides and even Thomas. And it breaks her heart. 

Deceit doesn’t quite remember when she figured it out. All she remembers is one day, she knew who she really was, and she didn’t know what to do from there. But, of course, she had to keep up her image, and so she suffered and showed nothing but a lie whenever she saw others.

She kept it hidden pretty well, only showing her true self behind closed doors. It was easy when she was a dark side. But then, she slowly started showing up more and more in the light side of the mind, and soon she became a part of them. When that happened, she started being able to show herself less and less. The only time she had was when she would wake up before the others and she would wear her favorite clothes and do her makeup and hair. Sometimes, she would do it at night, when she can’t sleep, as a way of relaxing. She would stare into the mirror when she is done, looking at her true self, and feel a pang of sadness at the thought that she can’t be like this all the time. 

Today was just like any day. Deceit wakes up at an ungodly hour, and starts her day. She sits at her vanity, and starts to do her makeup. She hums softly, some musical Thomas has been listening to non-stop lately. When she finishes her makeup, almost an hour later (don’t judge her, she goes all out at every opportunity she gets), she starts to pick out her outfit. She goes for a simple crop top and jean shorts. Today feels like a simple outfit day, despite only being able to wear the outfit for an hour tops.

Deceit lays back down on her bed, and stares up at the ceiling. What else can she do? She can’t exactly leave the room like this. Who knows what the others would say if they saw her. They would probably kick her out, and back into the dark side of the mind. Deceit can picture it now.

Roman with pure rage as he grabs his sword and forces her out of the light side.

Virgil with a look of pure disgust on his face as he sits by watching.

The sound of Logan talking about how illogical it is that Thomas could have a female side, despite being male.

And Patton, sitting there, not saying anything, looking at her with a disappointed look in his eyes.

No. Deceit can’t tell them. They can never know.

Deceit feels a slight movement in the mindscape, letting her know that there is another side awake. She sighs. She doesn’t want to get dressed but she has to. Deceit shuts her eyes tightly and snaps her fingers. When she peers out again, she can’t help the disappointment she feels upon seeing her usual outfit. She knows that if she looks in the mirror she will have the same result: all of her makeup will be gone and she’ll look like her usual self. She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes once more, and sinks out of her room.

 

She pops into the kitchen, where the first thing she notices is the sound and smell of coffee brewing in the pot on the counter. She glances around and sees Logan sitting at the counter, engrossed in some book. He hasn’t noticed her yet, even as she makes her way over to the now finished coffee, and pours two mugs. She adds cream and sugar to one, and leaves the other black. She grabs the one with cream and sugar and brings it over to Logan, placing it down in front of him. She watches as he looks up with a surprised look on his face.

“Thank you, Deceit. I hadn’t noticed that you had arrived, nor did I notice that the coffee was done.” He looks down at his coffee and frowns slightly. “I’m sorry, but I actually prefer my coffee black.”

Deceit stares into Logan’s eyes with an unimpressed look, as if to say “are you serious?” Logan sighs, and picks up the coffee.

“I apologize, I sometimes forget that you are the literal embodiment of lies, and thus know when I am lying.”

“It’s not fine” Deceit replies softly, going back to grab her own coffee. She takes a sip as she walks back over to Logan, relishing the bitter taste. She sits down next to him, and glances at the book he is reading once more: And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie. He seems pretty far into the book, it is quite possible that he has already figured out who the murderer is. Still…

“The murderer isn’t Wargrave.” She says with a smirk. Logan looks up at her and smirks as well. 

“I had already figured out as much, but thank you for the insightful information into the novel.”

“It’s a problem.” They fall into a comfortable silence as Deceit drinks her coffee and watches Logan read the book. Logan just about finishes the book by the time another side pops into the kitchen. It’s Patton, who tiredly makes his way over to the coffee machine to make his own coffee. He pours as much cream and sugar as he can without causing the mug to overflow, then makes his way over to the two of them. He does a double take when he notices Logan’s mug, which is still halfway full, Logan being too engrossed in the book to drink it.

“Logan, I thought you only liked black coffee.” Deceit has to hide her smile as Logan tries to come up with an excuse. 

“Uh, you see Patton… Deceit here made my coffee this morning, and he doesn’t know how I like it. I didn’t want to be rude and not drink it.” Patton, still a little tired, takes a minute to process what was said, but when he does, he smiles.

“Aw, Logan, you do care!.” Logan sputters slightly at that, and tries to deny it, but Deceit shakes her head, to show just how much of a lie it would be. Logan backs down, and just grumbles to himself. 

As the morning progresses, and the other two sides make an appearance, the kitchen slowly becomes a place of life and noise. But the more people there, the more people there are to tell a lie.

“Can you ask Dee if he wants pancakes or waffles?”

“He said it doesn’t matter.”

“Can you ask him if he wants any special toppings?”

“He says he doesn’t care.”

He, he, he. It’s all Deceit hears. And she wants so badly to say something, but she knows she can’t. She just has to deal with this everyday reality for as long as she possibly can.

 

Later on in the day, Thomas decides to do a video.

“What is up everybody?” is heard throughout the mindscape, as the sides listen in anticipation, hoping for an opportunity to turn the video into a Sanders Sides video. Deceit decides to tune it all out, as she is rarely ever needed for videos, even since being accepted by the light sides. Because of this, she is caught of guard when she is summoned into the real world.

She looks around as the other sides look at her expectantly. She tilts her head in confusion. “I totally know what is going on right now.”

“Thomas here summoned us because he has been feeling weird lately. He’s also had a sudden urge to make a video on respecting pronouns, and while Roman claims it wasn’t his idea, we decided to do it anyway.”

“And why wasn’t I summoned for this?”

“Well kiddo, first things first, we want to know your pronouns!”

Deceit stares confused. Why would they ask her for her pronouns? She just assumed that they all believed that all the sides were he/hims because Thomas is. Logan notices her confusion and provides some insight.

“As previously mentioned, Thomas has been feeling weird, and we believe this urge for a pronouns video has something to do with it. Maybe, if we all discuss our pronouns, as well as our friends’ pronouns, we may be able to get to the bottom of whatever is making him feel this way.” Deceit nods as it is explained to her, it all makes sense. The problem is, Deceit can’t get out of this through lying. If she tries to speak, the lie that would come out would be he/him, instead of the she/her lie that they would expect. 

“So kiddo, what pronouns do you use?”

Deceit could get out of this by not saying anything, by ignoring the question and sinking out as soon as she can. But she knows that would just make them curious, and cause them to stop at nothing to figure it out. Or maybe her not responding would be just as telling as her saying it aloud. Maybe, just maybe, if she says it, they will forget that she can only tell lies, and believe it to be the truth. What other choice does she have?

“He/him” She replies as inconspicuous as she can. Please work, please work, please work...

“See Thomas, there is nothing to worry about here” Roman exclaims from his corner. “We are all he/him, and we all respect that about each other. So it cannot be us that is making you, eh… queasy, in a sense.” 

Deceit tries hard to hide the sigh of relief that escapes her body. By the looks of it, she believes she has succeeded. That is until-

“Hold it.” Virgil replies from the stairs. The others halt their conversation and look over to Virgil. “Did you guys seriously miss that just now?”

“What is it now, Conspiracy Theory?”

“Deceit can only speak lies.” Deceit freezes at this and curses silently. Of course Virgil would be the one to pick it up, he’s known her the longest after all. They all stare at her, expecting her to say something, anything, but she can’t. She opens her mouth, but can’t seem to form the words that she wants to say. So she opts to not speak at all, and sinks out of the room as quickly as she can. She pops up into her room, and locks the door. 

She goes and lays on her bed. What can she do now? By now, one of them has put together the pieces, and they’re probably up there right now trying to figure out how to get rid of her and send her back to the dark side of the mind. Maybe if she’s lucky, they’ll do it as nicely as possible. She feels tears start to well up in her eyes.

A soft knocking sounds throughout the room. Deceit holds her breath. “Kiddo?”

They sent the nicest side to send the worst possible news.

Deceit wipes her eyes and gets up, walking over to the door and opening it slightly. She sticks her head out slightly. “I don’t get it, ok. I’ll unpack my things and stay.”

“What are you saying Dee?” 

“I’m saying that you guys want me here. I don’t understand.” 

“Dee, no that’s not it at all. Can I come in please?”

Deceit opens the door all the way, and lets Patton in. She goes over and sits on her bed. Patton follows behind, and sits down next to her. They are quiet for a while, until Patton eventually speaks up.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I knew you guys would accept me. I’m not a part of Thomas, I shouldn’t be the same gender as him.”

“You shouldn’t have to be!” Deceit looks up in shock at him. “Just because Thomas is one thing, doesn’t mean you have to be. You can be whatever the hell you want, and we’d still accept you.”

Deceit doesn’t know what to say. She continues to stare at Patton in shock. Tears build up into her eyes, this time falling freely down her cheeks.

“Oh, kiddo.” Patton suddenly pulls her into a hug. She sobs into his shoulder as he soothingly rubs her back. 

“Let me tell you something kiddo.” Patton whispers to her through the hug. “You’re not quite the only one.”

Deceit pulls back slightly to look at him through tear blurred eyes. He notices the confusion on her face and continues. “I may not understand fully, I still use he/him pronouns so I don’t know everything you’re going through, but I do understand wanting to be more feminine. There have been many times when I’m in my room and I would wear a dress, just because it’s comfortable or just feels right. And I’ve also caught Roman quite a few times trying to do his makeup while wearing some sort of skirt. So, you have nothing to be ashamed of. We might not be quite like you, but we definitely won’t shun you for being you.”

Patton makes sure to look her dead in the eyes when he speaks next. “We love you, kiddo.” 

He pulls her into a tight hug once more, letting her get all of her tears out.

 

That night, Deceit and Patton talk to the other sides (and Thomas) face to face, explaining why she ran off earlier. As Patton said, they were quick to accept her, not questioning it in the slightest. If that is what made Deceit comfortable and happy, then who are they to stop her. When Deceit finally made it to her room that night, she laid in bed for a while, processing everything that happened. Then she realized.

Tomorrow she can present as she wants in front of the others.

 

Deceit wakes up the next morning feeling... well, she doesn’t really know how to feel. Today is a big day, after all. She goes about her normal routine, putting a little more effort than usual into what she wears. She takes as much time as possible on her makeup, and spends forever figuring out what to wear. In the end, she ends up putting on a yellow snakeskin skirt, and a black top. 

It’s not too long before Deceit feels movement in the mindscape. She smiles. She shuts her eyes tightly, and snaps her finger. When she opens her eyes, her outfit has been covered slightly by her cape, and her gloves and hat have appeared (she does still have an image to uphold, after all). She knows, however, that if she were to look into a mirror, her makeup will still be there. She closes her eyes again, takes a deep breath, and sinks out of the room. 

When Deceit pops up into the kitchen, the situation is relatively the same as the previous day. Coffee sits waiting to be poured as Logan once again reads a book at the counter. Deceit goes over and pours two cups of coffee, bringing the sweetened one over to Logan. When she places it down, Logan looks up, less surprised than the day before about her being there and her making him his coffee. He doesn’t even say anything about how the coffee is made. However, his eyes widen in shock for a second when he notices what Deceit is wearing. Deceit nervously waits for what Logan will say about her outfit, or about her in general. 

“You look nice, Dee.” is all he says, before taking a sip of his coffee. Deceit breathes a soft sigh of relief, and mumbles a quick “no thank you”, before going over and grabbing her own coffee.

She glances at the book Logan is reading when she gets back to the counter. It’s not a mystery this time, so there is nothing for her to really spoil. Instead she just sits, drinks her coffee, and watches him read silently.

Patton is the next side to arrive. He tiredly makes his coffee and walks over to them. He smiles slightly when he notices Logan’s coffee, the same as yesterday. It is then that he notices Deceit. All tiredness falls from his face as he takes her in.

“Aw, kiddo, you look so cute!” He says, rushing up to her.

“Be careful, Patton.You do not want to spill your coffee, do you?” 

“Sorry, Lo.” Patton replies, slowing down and stopping in front of Deceit. “Dee, you look Dee-lightful! I love your outfit! . Oh, I would love to try it on sometime! Maybe we can play dress up together! Ooh ooh, maybe Roman could even join us!”

Deceit doesn’t know how to react; she’s not used to so much attention, especially to her outfit. Before she can say anything, Logan speaks up.

“Patton please, can’t you see that you are overwhelming Dee?” Patton then notices Deceit’s slightly uncomfortable look.

“Oops, sorry kiddo.” Patton sits down at the counter, next to them, trying to keep himself calm. They all fall into comfortable silence as they all drink their coffees and wake up more. Later on, Roman and Virgil show up. They both looked shocked at Deceit’s outfit, Roman more than Virgil.

“Look at you, Dee-who-cried-wolf! I love your outfit. And by gosh, your makeup! You have to show me how you apply it sometime! And...” Deceit zones out as Roman starts going on a tangent.She looks over to Virgil, who gives her a small smile and a thumbs up. She smiles back at him.

The morning progresses as usual, but Deceit can feel the difference. And it’s a difference that means the world to her. 

“Can you ask Dee what she wants for breakfast?”

Yeah, she can get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> So... yeah  
> Tell me if its terrible. I know there are some parts that are pretty rushed and not the best, but I wanted to get this out there.


End file.
